Expectations

I used to not be the type of person that would set long term goals for myself. I mean I do have goals that I want to accomplish, but they are generally short term things. At the same time, I have a lot of different things going on at one time and it feels difficult to keep them all rolling. For one, my career path has really taken off, but my spirituality is falling behind. There are literally not enough hours in the day or days in the week to help me get shit done. My days are super busy and are pretty much run on a hourly deadline basis. Monday through Wednesday is my 8-5 job, Thursday through Saturday is my internship. The only free day I have is Sunday and whatever time in between after intern and sleep I have Thursday through Saturday. So you have to imagine that this usually leaves very little if any time for spiritual growth. Most of the time, the closest thing I have to my path is lighting a candle and saying a short blessing(if I remember) while I pay my bills online and try to plan out the prep work for the mansion I need to do. Because of the craziness I always make time for celebrating the Sabbats no matter how late in the day/night it is cuz otherwise I might just go nuts from lack of spiritual fruit. I was actually thinking about it last night and I thought to myself how great it would be to be able to take a year for myself and devote it all to my path. Of course reality kicked in and I became conflicted with the fact that I dont want to put my career on hold while the iron is still hot. I'm pretty sure next year I may have more time if the internship lands me a job and I can quit my current one, but as of right now, I have to let it play out and just roll with the punches. I know I'm seem a bit scatter brained right now, but its just because I'm thinking about a million things at once and trying to organize the thoughts into words to convey my message clearly. Alright I'm going to finish this up and try to enjoy what little time I have left today before the craziness starts again Monday morning.

Growing Ability

I know I've mentioned somewhere before that I am slighty clairvoyant. It basically means I have clear sight. My psychic vision is pretty decent. Usually, I have a dream of a future event that usually takes place the same day. I haven't spent the time to hone my clairvoyance, but it seems to spike at certain times throughout the year. I know if I work on it I'll probably be able to see further. I plan on doing some work on it in the coming year.
While I'm on this subject I want to discuss the meanings of some words. The first one that people tend to use incorrectly is psychic. Psychic by itself doesn't mean much. So if someone calls someone psychic its sort of an umbrella term. It just means one who has ability beyond the five senses. Everyone has psychic ability. It's just that some are more in tune than others. That's why I previously stated that I am slightly clairvoyant not psychic. Along with clairvoyant, there is also clairaudience. This is the word for someone with "clear hearing". This is the ability to hear things psychically with the mind. This is kind of tied in with clairvoyance in that one can pick up on sounds that is otherwise not audible to the human ear.
Something I learned about a year ago is that one can learn through a kind of meditation a way to access vast amounts of information. I'll do a video on it later going into more detail because that would be too difficult to explain in writting.

Impressions

It's been a great couple of days. Samhain was great. I was glad that I was able to celebrate with friends. Everyday for a while now, its kind of been on my mind the whole "coming out of the broom closet". I know I mention this a lot, but its constantly being swirled around in my head. I mean I'll have days where I want to just walk out and announce it to the world and other times the cons outweigh the pros and I keep silent. I recently had a situation present itself that stirred this thought in my head once again. I went to talk to my chef instructor about my internship and we were discussing the interview and whatnot. He was talking about presenting myself in a clean way and made a few remarks that sort of took me a bit by surprise. For one, I was wearing my I love boobies rubber bracelet and he told me I should probably remove that and keep it off just in case they get the wrong impression. Well, let me tell you this, if there was any "wrong impression" it would be on my end. The bracelet is more than just a funny/dirty phrase, I wear it in support of breast cancer research. So to anyone who would think I'm some little pervert, they can shove it! Second, he mentioned my pentacle that I proudly wear out. He again said I should probably tuck it in behind my shirt. At this point, both sides of this argument were going on in my head. The one side was arguing my personal morals and reasoning behind the jewerly while the other was arguing political correctness and looking professional to a potential employer. You can only imagine the confusion in my head as I basically argue with myself. I mean both have valid points. One, the necklace is a symbol of my religious practice. If it was a cross or a star of david, no one would bother to question it, but thanks to popular misconceptions, my pentacle and religion are public enemy number one. Second, that would be a violation of my constitutional right to be able to practice my religion openly(in a sense). Third, it would also be religious discrimination if they chose not to hire me because of it. On the other side, he is also correct. Humans are judgmental beings. We constantly do it. Even though the employer has to be unbiased, its human nature, he or she will do it anyway and that will affect their final thoughts. Second, in an interview, you do want to be seen as unique, but some unique traits should not be disclosed. Third, this is basically about political correctness. Society has created this mold for what is acceptable and what is not. The food industry is about pleasing others not so much about expressing yourself. Alright enough about that for tonight...hopefully.

The begining...

After high school, I feel like life completely changed. I mean, things suddenly were going to be different from now on. For one thing, I was out of school, if I wanted to I could have just stayed at home and slept in for a few years. Obviously I didn't. I realized early that I need to learn to basically fend for my self. Other than my parents there really isn't anyone else to be bugging me to do something with my life. So I made a promise to myself that I would try and rely on my parents as little as possible. First, I knew I wanted to go to culinary school, but I didn't have the money just yet so getting a job was first priority. Also, this meant I could pay for things and make purchases. After about six months of hard work, I had put away a good lump of money in the bank. Since culinary school was a bit out of my reach at the moment, I enrolled at GCC just to get the ball rolling. I paid for it myself. I know it doesn't sound like a lot of money, but I had been doing a good deal of purchasing stuff and spending time with my sister who I had kind of ignored for awhile.
___________________________________________
Part 2
They say with age comes wisdom. I thinkthat all depends on what you do within that time period. I mean to say that knowledge and wisdom don't just come to you. You have to get out there and learn and experience. I spent a good portion of my life closed and not really experiencing much of life. After a few years, it got to the point where I became depressed. There would be days where I would literally feel sad and just want to cry. After that period in my life, I came across some things in my life that sort of reopened my eyes. I got to reading a few books some were cultural anthropologies and some were about religion. They really spoke to me and showed me a new path that I could follow and be happy. There were two big influences in my life; one was His Holiness the Dalai Lama(and no I'm not Buddhist) and the other was Wicca. Both of those two things taught me a lot about life and about being happy and making the world a better place.

Blesed be

Back again

Today is Sunday. My parents made it back Friday afternoon. I was the lucky individual to pick them up. The drive to LAX wasn't too bad. I made it there in like 40 minutes. The waiting killed me. I was sitting there from 12 'til 2:30 ish when they finally made it out of the plane.
I honestly couldn't wait for them to get back. One more day with my sister and grandma and I would have exploded. Granted I love them, but too much of one thing never good. The only thing that gave me peace was my practice. I finally had 3 weeks to not have to worry about leaving my altar out, lighting incense and depressing my mom, or candles being knocked over. It gave me a chance to be at one with the universe and really connect spiritually.
Now that they are back, I have to resort to having my mini altar set up. I recently purchased a medium sized book shaped box that I decided I would use to keep my mini altar. It's very simple and fairly inconspicuous. I have two glass bottles one filled with sea salt the other with Rosemary altar oil, a citrine stone to represent the god, a aquamarine stone to represent the goddess, 4 colored marbles to represent the elements, some tea light candles, a small red altar cloth with a pentacle on it, a small notebook and pen and a small box of matches. I definitely feel content with it. I mean all I really would need is a candle and some oil and leave the rest to my visualization, but this mini altar is perfect. It would certainly make it easier when I wish to go out and into nature. I carry carry my box instead of my backpack with my altar supplies in it. D

[Hovik]

Current Events

I love rain. I love listening to the sound of the rain drops hitting my window. I love the cool air that fills me up. The occasional burst of thunder excites my soul. Sitting at my desk with my altar set up and lit. Just taking it all in. My parents are due back on Thursday. My internship is waiting on an interview to get the ball rolling. That's all for current events. On to more...
I got some Samhain cards from the exchange I did with a few people. Looking forward to doing that again. Had a fairly simple dinner; just some elbow macaroni with garlic-parmesan alfredo sauce(unfortunately from a jar) and a panzanella salad on the side all topped with a glass of "wine"(alcohol-free). I don't feel like doing much the next couple days. I'm just waiting on the folks to come home and have life come back to normalcy. This time of year is meant for quiet contemplation. Just looking at the new year coming up and sorting out all that has happened so far. I'm ending this short because my altar is literally calling to me. I need to sit and take in the season.

The spirits

I hear the call. They provide me with comfort; a sense of peace and oneness with the universe. I see the light of the moon goddess as she fills the night sky with her glow. I can hear her comforting whispers in the air as it passes through the leaves.
"Eternal mother and moon goddess of the sky, I hear your call and feel your presence. Your glow fills me up and protects me from the dark." I honor you and thank you for your blessings.
The morning rays awaken my soul. The darkness has past and now there is light. The sun is joy and warmth shining in the clear blue sky. "Eternal father and lord of sun, I hear your call and feel your presence. You solar rays fills my soul and light my path into the world. I honor you and thank you for your blessings.
Seek the wisdom that which is hidden in nature. Speak the the god and goddess and they will answer your call.

[Hovik]

Connections

I am currently out of camera. My parents have borrowed it for their vacation. You'd think that in light of that, I'd update this bloody blog more often. Unfortunately, I've been really busy with work and keeping stuff at home organized. Anyways.... Samhain is coming up in about 2 weeks. As most of you guys know, I've planned an open ritual/celebration for it. I'm super excited about it. I really want to be able to share my spirituality with those who are close to me. Also, I'm using it as an excuse to get everyone together seeing as how we haven't seen much of each other lately. I need face time! lol
Another reason for this open ritual, is because I really want to educate those who lack the knowledge about the Wiccan path. Because of Hollywood and some right-wing religious extremists, Wicca and witches have a negative connotation. Now, I could totally go off on that tangent, but I think I'll save that for another time. I wish to spread the love and light.

Blessings to all!
I hope to see you on Halloween! =-)

Young teens misconceptions on magic/Wicca

I was sitting at my computer today when my sister walked in and told me about something a friend of her's saw. Some girl had taken a Harry potter book and scratched out the title and wrote spell book on it instead. As my sister told me this she looked at me and laughed. She knows I'm a witch so she told me this and was expecting me to laugh with her. I did at first find it a little funny, but then I realized that it's actions like that that give people the wrong idea about something and then they become disappointed later when they discover the truth. Granted, my first exposure to magic and witchcraft wasn't exactly the best. I mean I picked it up from movies like Harry potter. I guess though it was a little different for me. I knew that real magic wasn't like in the movies. I knew there had to be something more. It was then that I began to do research and learn what witchcraft and Wicca were all about. I can only hope that teens and those thinking about witchcraft chose their resources wisely and question everything they read, hear or see. That is what I believe will be the only way that one can truly find knowledge.

Bullets

We all have secrets. Some are more serious than others. Growing up, it was always an unspoken rule that sharing a secret with someone meant it wasn't gonna leak. I am definitely a secret keeper. I know things about people that their own families don't know about. The same goes for me. There are people out in the world that I have shared information that no one outside knows about. To me, a secret is more than just a secret, its a symbol of the trust between two people. For example, people who pray to a higher power. Sharing information that they would otherwise keep hidden is a line of trust formed between the person and their higher power. I know I have that line of trust with my higher powers.
A lot of the time, secrets can have dramatic effects on people. They can surely make or break a situation. Before I explain this, I want to make clear that this is not to be confused with a lie. Although sometimes a lie is something one says to cover up a secret. Now back to my explanation. I recently had an experience where my secret was gonna come out. The secret I'm referring to is that I haven't told my family I'm a Wiccan. I've mentioned this before in other posts, but this time is slightly different. Now, let me set this up for y'all. As most of you guys know from my twitter, yesterday night I was celebrating Mabon and the full moon. I had driven up to a park high up in the mountains and setup and small ritual. After I ended the evening, I drove back home and tucked away my ritual supplies in the trunk of my car. Now, I didn't get a chance to clear everything out today because I couldn't find a time where no one was home. So I ended up falling asleep after work. That's when the problem started. Apparently my dad needed to make a trip to my aunts house and decided he would take my car. When I woke up I flipped out because I found out he was taking a few items to drop off. I was sure he had opened the trunk. I spent the next few hours thinking about the situation and how it was gonna hit the fan as soon as he got home. A few hours passed and my dad finally made it home. I braced myself for the onslaught of questions, but nothing. A huge weight was lifted when I realized he hadn't found my stuff. I had definitely dodged a bullet there. I wasn't really for this sort of thing just yet. I know at some point it needs to be said, but now is not the time.
So I managed to further elude my parents on my secret once again. Don't get me wrong though, I sure as hell am not ashamed of who I am, but I just haven't figured out the logistics of breaking the news to them all yet. I'll close this with a final thought:
******************************
I am Wiccan and Proud of it!
Pagan Pride All the Way!
******************************

Some Hope.

So today was mabon. I was intent on doing a ritual outdoors. I gathered my supplies and headed for a park high in the mountains. The park was full of people because of a soccer game. I decided it was too noisy to get anything done so I headed further up. I got lucky and there was no one around. As I set up my altar, I kept hearing the rustling of trees from the animals. I have to admit I was a bit intimidated, but I pressed on. After getting everything setup, I began my ritual. I called the quarters, invoked the god and goddess and lit some incense. I sat on the cloth I had laid out and took in the crisp air. I was still in edge from fear of being caught. I tried to relax, but I could sense something was about to happen. Sure enough, about 20 minutes into ritual, some mischievous teens showed up. At this point I has stopped my ritual and was waiting to see how long they were planning on staying. Shortly after their arrival, a police car showed up and drove them out. Upon seeing and hearing all this, I began to panic. Sure enough, the cop called me out with his loudspeaker. I tried to gather everything and leave, but I took longer than I thought. With half my supplies in my hands I ran into the parking area and tried to tell the cop I was leaving. Of course, seeing someone in all black carrying some rather questionable items around brought up some questions. " What were you doing?" he asked. I couldnt exactly think of a lie so I just told him the truth. "I was doing a ritual" I told him. "A what?" he asked again. "Ritual". "I'm a wiccan". I told him. This brought up several more questions as well as some explaining. So I went ahead and explained to him that I was out here enjoying the full moon and celebrating the autumnal equinox with a small ritual. After I told him that he asked me some questions about who or what a Wiccan or witch was. Seeing as how he didn't seem to be afraid or doubtful, I told him a few things and he sort of put it together and connected the dots. "So its like a pagan religion?" "Yes. Exactly." I thought to my self, "whoa thats the first time I heard someone use that term correctly." So after that he apologized for disturbing my ritual and explained that he needed to close the gates so I needed to get going. After finishing up gathering my things, I bid the nice police officer a good night and headed off.

This whole incident really gave me hope. I had always been a bit hesitant to explain myself to people, but so far almost everytime its been successful. I really appriciated the fact that the cop was willing to let me explain and not over react. It felt good knowing that I was able to teach someone something new that he will probably carry for the rest of his life. Just as the apple is a popular fruit for mabon and autumn in general, symbolizing knowledge, I was able to pass along the fruit of knowledge to another person. I think everything that has happened to me has happened because I remember making a promise to myself that I was not going to hide who I was. I wanted to educate people and share a part of history. I'm going to enjoy the rest of mabon tonight knowing that the world is one more person changed. Its kinda funny I was actually thinking of hiring one of those planes that write messages in the sky and get someone to put Pagan Pride for all of glendale to see. That would deffinitely raise some hairs, but still very interesting....

Privacy is expensive.

So as most of you know from either reading my blog or youtube, you know that I'm still in the broom closet with my family. The only one who knows is my sister. This causes a lot of issues when I want to go a quick ritual for something or even just to relax. I can't say to my folks, "Hey, I need some privacy, do not disturb me." As soon as I do, I get bombarded with a million questions as to what I'm up to. I'm not a child anymore. I'm a grown man and I should be able to have my wishes honored. I don't think I can remember a time when I have been able to set up my altar just to relax and meditate or for a ritual or sabbat. Even when no one is home, I cant fully relax because I always have that feeling in the back of my head that any minute someone is gonna come home.
A lot of the time to get some privacy I just take my dog for a walk. I get to be outside and take in nature. Sometimes at night, I even have a little chat with the moon goddess as I walk the pooch. I have to get fairly creative to get some privacy. In the beginning, I used to just light a single candle and chant something in my head or whisper it as I sat on my bed. This would be a possible alternative now, but as I become more in tune with my spirituality, the more I feel justified to be able to worship and practice my craft openly. I tried to get some privacy at a park about 15 minutes from my house up in the mountains. Now that was definitely a good place, but unless it late in the evening, I have to deal with people hanging around and enjoying the park. You have to imagine the look on someones face when they see someone with a bunch of candles lit with a dagger pointing to the sky and chanting.
I mean as a last resort like a mentioned, I can just light a candle and do some silent chanting, but that can only be so much. Sometimes I feel like bursting out and just saying, "Fuck man! People of the Abrahamic faiths bloody have massive temples and churches erected for people to gather and worship! All I ask is for a couple of hours of privacy in my room!"
It's gonna take a lot to get my privacy. Like I said, privacy is expensive.

What it all meant

WItches when I was young...(not too long ago)

Granted, i am a bit younger than most of you guys so my experience wasn't too bad in terms of seeing a witch as something awful, or strange.When I was growing up a witch was a wise woman.
Its kinda funny actually now that I think of it. My whole family does to some degree believe in most witchcraft related ideas. For one thing most of the people do believe in some form of divination mainly tarot and scrying with a bowl of water and reading coffee cups.
I remember being a young kid and hearing stories about old ladies who lived within the community that were basically the wise women of the area. They knew a lot of different herbal remedies and did different kinds of divination for the people. They would always talk about how you could go to her with any problem or question you had, and she could help you find the answer. But its interesting, after they would tell us about them they always said at the end,
"oh you know, she was just some sick old woman with no family who just lived on the land and moved a lot."

Now, on the other side of the coin, if my family talked about actual "witches". It was very stereotypical. She was a crazy widow who killed her husband and drowned her kids. Oh and she was a servant of Satan. She also didn't have a warm heart it was almost always ice cold.
So with those two ideas, I saw magic and witch as two completely different things. Magic was okay in some places but a "witch" was always evil and bad.
I think the reason remains the same,people fear the unknown. They knew about magic but didn't see it as evil. Witch on the other hand was pure evil. I think that's why now I'm sort of hesitant about telling my family Im a witch. I mean they accept my practices because its something they are familiar with but dont make the connection with it to a witch/Wicca/paganism because they see that as evil.


As for my personal discovery of what a real witch was, that started about 7 years ago. I think it was sometime around when the harry potter movies had come out and everyone and their mother was obsessed. I was really drawn to it and started reading now childish books about becoming a wizard. I read about 2 books on the subject only one really touched anything close to Wicca. Anyways, after reading that second book and getting a minuscule taste of Wicca I felt that there definitely something more to this "wizardry" and witchcraft stuff than I was lead to believe. Mind you, this realization came after about 3 years after going off on the "wizards quest" as the book called it. So after doing some personal growing and reading I finally came across a book about witchcraft. Now this book was a bit more accurate but still lacking the spiritual aspect of Wicca. I want to mention that in the midst of all this my picture of what a witch was had changed dramatically. I began to see the witch I read about as the wise woman of my past. So a few more years past and I found Scott Cunningham book, Wicca a guide for the solitary practitioner. This book pretty much sealed the package. All the pieces acquired over the years finally made sense. It also filled the spirituality part of Wicca that was missing from the other books.

So here I am today. A witch. Bound to the path of the wise ones and loving every bit of it.

Dont ever forget it!

Obviously most of you know that I am a wiccan. Let me just say that before I get into what I actually want to say.
Alright, so most people who are ignorant believe that witches/wiccans believe in the devil. This as, any witch will tell you is false. I was recently listening to a podcast and they were discussing witchcraft. They were discussing the different beliefs and what not. After listening to it, I made a connection that I believe most wiccans would agree with. Christians worship the devil.
Now, let me explain myself before I get attacked. Firstly, wiccans and other pagans alike do not believe in or acknowledge a "devil" or ultimate evil. Now, let me define deity according to the dictionary.Any supernatural being worshiped as controlling some part of the world or some aspect of life or who is the personification of a force. So now, Christ or Jesus would be considered deity. Also so would the devil.This is true because Christian religion acknowledge both a ultimate good and ultimate evil. With that in mind. Anyone with a logical brain would connect the idea that Jesus or Christ is deity and so is the devil. Therefore, Christians and all those of like mind worship the devil in this respect. The devil perfectly fits into the definition of deity. So before you go attacking a wiccan or pagan as being a devil worshiper, remember this little tid bit.

A new chapter

I finally finished school. Well at least for this semester. I plan on taking the international class a few more times and I still need to do my internship. Things are slowly rolling into place. Dreams of Culinary Greatness are getting closer by the minute. This summer I plan on getting some food business going my finally starting up my personal chef service. I'll be doing almost anything food related for anyone who is interested. This will probably be set in motion as soon as my business cards come in and I get my pricing and menu ideas worked out. Hopefully this will bring in some much needed $$ as well as work experience. It basically comes down to the fact that I can talk the talk, I just need to walk the walk. Well actually, I can walk the walk I just need to start running. I've had a slight spiritual disconnect, but again all things will be set in motion in the summer when I have more free time.

The Broom Closet

There's always that time when as new witches as well as old ones have to make the decision to "come out of the broom closet" Most wiccans that I know for the most part have come out and seem to have positive reactions. I personally haven't come out completely. Only a handful of friends and family know. My sister was the first person I told. Shes a bit skeptical and sometimes calls me weird, but it doesn't really bother me much. As for friends, other than the people on Youtube, my close friend who recently moved was told. She accepts it. She didn't really ask any questions and sort of left it as it was. There are two people who found out at my work. My boss sort of figured it out when he first saw my pentacle and kept calling me a devil worshiper. I knew he was probably messing around, but it still bothered me a bit. So one day I was busy doing some work and he had come by my desk and was looking for something. My co-worker was standing next to me and my boss did what I expected and called me a devil worshiper again. I don't know what came over me but for some reason I felt compelled to tell him otherwise. So I said it. I told him I was a witch and he sort of looked at me and said, "Oh so your a Wiccan?" and walked away. That whole spat must have shocked my co-worker, who happened to be a christian. He hasn't said anything about it and I'm not exactly eager to bring it up again. I figure, if they have any questions, they are more than welcome to ask, but other than that I don't really bring it up.
I guess the reason I decided to bring this up is because I just had my mom walk in on me while I was trying to meditate. I had a simple altar set up. Some candles lit along with a pentacle on a piece of paper and drumming music playing in the background. I guess I had a phone call and I thought my sister was calling me so I ignored it. I guess the reason I frazzled me was because well obviously I haven't told my parents. I mean they both know I don't believe the christian god, but they don't know I'm a Wiccan. I know I want to tell at least my mom about it, but I just haven't found the right time to do so.

Half Blank

Today is Beltane. It's a really nice day here. I've been home all day. I'm kind of drawing a blank as to what I want to write. That's why this entry may seem scattered until I find something to go off on. I'm planning on getting a chest for my room. I have already decided what I'll use it for. I'm going to store my herbs,candles and other assorted jars and boxes. I'm also gonna be using it as my altar table. I'm currently using a fold up table that's good, but it's too high for me to have when I sit on the floor. Tomorrow we are having a small gathering at my grandparents house after a trip to the cemetery to honor my grandpa. It will be 40 days since his passing at which time it is tradition in Armenian culture to gather close family and friends and remember the deceased person. Anyways, since today is Beltane is figure I will do a small ritual and light some candles and do some meditating. Alright this drawing a blank thing is not getting better so I leave this here.

Deaths only friend is life.

So I tired to make a video to put up, but after many failed attempts my battery died. I might as well get something done today so I'll write.
Death is a part of life. Its something that doesn't need to be feared. It does however, need to be understood. Remember, people fear what they do not understand. I may not have the answers to everything in life, but death is something I understand. I've had my fair share of deaths. The most recent one in march about 3 weeks ago. I cant remember if I mentioned before, but spring time is about the balance of life and death. The dead of winter rises again in the spring full of life. I'm glad to have found Wicca. It really helped me understand a lot about life. The way everything is presented really connects. Life is a cycle and just as the wheel turns so does everything in the universe. I have a necklace that has a 8 pointed star that has arrows at each point all enclosed in a circle. It is my constant reminder of the cycle of life.
For most people being surrounded by family and friends helps with coping with death. I usually prefer to be alone because I don't want people to take pity on me in my moment of sadness. For me, death is a time for quiet contemplation. Just as we practice in Samhain. I honor those who have passed, I remember the good times, and I try to learn from their experience to better myself. I'm going to leave this now. Think about death. Don't take it as a bad thing but rather a new beginning.

Elemental Me.

I'm on spring break this week. Doesnt mean too much seeing as how I still have to go to work. Luckily, I get come home early tomorrow. I dont have much planned but I may do a video. I havent done one since February. It rained last night and into this afternoon. I love rain. It's natures way of cleansing the world. I always so refreshed after a good storm.Water in general takes me to another world. I take a dive into water and I'm transported into another world. When I'm in water, the weightlessness makes me feel like I'm a part of it. When there are strong winds, I feel alive. It's like whatever I want to happen, all I have to do is whisper it to the wind and let it carry my wish into the universe. Fire warms my soul. It shows me hope. The raw energy in perfect balance with everything around it draws me to it. Earth is the eternal mother. It holds everything down. Provides a way to ground yourself. It teems with life. It absorbs residual energy and disperses it to be used later. It holds and it protects. Spirit is divine energy. It is sacred to all. Its both personal and unbiased. It is the mother, maiden, crone. It is the father, son, and sage. It carries the will of the all and the nothing.
Alright I'm going to go back to enjoying the silence and watch my candles flicker.

Sunday=Sad day

Sundays have become somewhat of a sad time. Now that my grandpa has moved on, we spend Sunday at my grandpas house. My dad is having a hard time accepting his death. Even my cousins and I have a bit of trouble. I remember coming here on Saturday to drop off my sister to sleepover. When I arrived the only people left in the house were my aunt and grandma. As I walked in and said hi to them, I for some reason expected my grandpa to walk in from the other room and say hi. But of course, reality kicked in and I remembered he's gone. I still makes me a little sad when people talk about him but for the most part I deal with it pretty well.
Beltane is coming up. I wanted to do a dedication ritual for me earlier just before Ostara, but I decided that Beltane was a better option. Either that or maybe I will wait until my year and a day in June to do it. All I know is that when the time comes, I'll know.
This turned out to be a really short entry. I'll have more in the coming week....

Food!

Let me first start of by saying that I love food. Its what makes me happy. Its interesting though I like making it and watching people enjoy than to eat it myself. I was watching Julie and Julia on TV today. I feel into one of my many food rushes. I started thinking up recipes in my head and thinking about trying out some old classics. A little side note for anyone who cares to know, I make a kick ass fried rice. Anyways, I'm almost finished with the culinary program and GCC. I'll be getting my beginning culinary arts certificate as soon as I complete the internship. I wanted the advanced certificate, but they removed it because of budget cuts. So Im planning on also getting the dietary services supervisor certificate. I still have a few classes to take for that. In the mean time I plan on finally starting my food career. I wanted to do catering, but theres a lot of logistical stuff that needs to get done for that to happen. Also, I'm don't exactly have the space for it. I may just do some catering for family and friends. Also, I'm going to have a talk with the culinary department chair and see if I can get him to let me use the kitchen at school to start a food show on youtube. That would be so much fun. Please excuse the fact that this is a little scattered. I'm just going as it comes to me. And right now it stopped so I think I'm done.

A reflection

So much has happened in such a short time. I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll just do the current stuff. For one thing, my grandpa died. Its been about three weeks since. He had a long and somewhat difficult struggle with cancer and it eventually won. Of all the things to get to him it was cancer. The man survived a stroke and a heart attack. He was dead for 1minute before doctors brought him back. It really is true that disease always attacks what you hold dear. He had the biggest heart. He was never much of a talker,but when he did, his words were gold. In a way, his moving on was a perfect representation of the turning of the wheel. He died at the end of winter just after the first day of spring. The day I found out, I went over after work. I wrote a short poem in his honor. I ended up reading to my entire family at the funeral. Just thinking about it now kind of makes me sad, but I do accept that he has moved on and he will be reborn into the cycle of life.

In this hour, in this place, he is freed from time and space. One last breath, a final thought, all this now at a halt. The cauldron of the crone glows again tonight to accept another soul. Rest now for you shall return again. To wake and feel a sun filled days and moonlit nights.
Always in our hearts and memories,
Oganes Gengozian
died march 22,2010