Square in a Circle

I believe that I won't be able to love someone without first loving myself and I'm still working on figuring out who exactly I am. Granted, I don't mean to say I am not a stable human being. I am, but there are parts of me that I need to focus on and I see me as priority number 1. I am truly grateful to have found a spiritual path that helps me complete myself. Also, I don't feel ready to share all of me with another human being. There are things about me that no one and I mean no one knows about. My thoughts would literally blow your mind to pieces. This kind of ties in with my feeling of not truly being a part of the "human" world. (and no, I dont mean like I'm an alien). I mean I have a genuine connection with the world, just not so with the inhabitants. So I am a bit of a freak, but I accept that and I live my life. My thoughts are a bit scattered right now, but I just needed to get this out before it exploded.


If this entry seems a bit strange that's because the first part of it just became confidential "me information" not to be released to the public. Maybe in 2012 when the worlds gonna end...lol

The talk

I'm always talking about telling my parents about my path. At the end of last year I made a mental note to try and tell at least my mom about it. As I let the idea muddle around in my head, I tried to figure out how exactly I would tell her. Different situations played out in my head and none of them felt right. I recently just figured I would just drop hints here and there and if she were to ask, I could explain. Turns out she didn't really need me dropping hints. We were having dinner tonight at a restaurant, just the two of us. It started with me asking if the post delivers on Saturday. She said yes and asked if I was waiting for something again. I told her I was. She asked if it was more incense.(she had caught a whiff of several packages of herbs I had gotten before. I told her I was actually waiting on a stone I had re-ordered because the one I got was broken. With that she said what she's always saying to me. " I worry about you sometimes." "You have a bunch of witch stuff and lots of books on the subject and your always watching shows on the subject. What exactly are you doing?" I was somewhat shocked, but somehow it didn't feel like news to me to hear this. I assured her it nothing bad and she doesn't have to worry. I also made a point to say it's not devil worship. She seemed to be somewhat okay with it, but I feel like I need to explain myself a little more. I need to spend some time to put something together and make it easy for her to understand. So once again my intention was manifested and now I have to see it through. Goddess give me the strength to see this through and be able to lay this to rest.