Expectations

I used to not be the type of person that would set long term goals for myself. I mean I do have goals that I want to accomplish, but they are generally short term things. At the same time, I have a lot of different things going on at one time and it feels difficult to keep them all rolling. For one, my career path has really taken off, but my spirituality is falling behind. There are literally not enough hours in the day or days in the week to help me get shit done. My days are super busy and are pretty much run on a hourly deadline basis. Monday through Wednesday is my 8-5 job, Thursday through Saturday is my internship. The only free day I have is Sunday and whatever time in between after intern and sleep I have Thursday through Saturday. So you have to imagine that this usually leaves very little if any time for spiritual growth. Most of the time, the closest thing I have to my path is lighting a candle and saying a short blessing(if I remember) while I pay my bills online and try to plan out the prep work for the mansion I need to do. Because of the craziness I always make time for celebrating the Sabbats no matter how late in the day/night it is cuz otherwise I might just go nuts from lack of spiritual fruit. I was actually thinking about it last night and I thought to myself how great it would be to be able to take a year for myself and devote it all to my path. Of course reality kicked in and I became conflicted with the fact that I dont want to put my career on hold while the iron is still hot. I'm pretty sure next year I may have more time if the internship lands me a job and I can quit my current one, but as of right now, I have to let it play out and just roll with the punches. I know I'm seem a bit scatter brained right now, but its just because I'm thinking about a million things at once and trying to organize the thoughts into words to convey my message clearly. Alright I'm going to finish this up and try to enjoy what little time I have left today before the craziness starts again Monday morning.

Growing Ability

I know I've mentioned somewhere before that I am slighty clairvoyant. It basically means I have clear sight. My psychic vision is pretty decent. Usually, I have a dream of a future event that usually takes place the same day. I haven't spent the time to hone my clairvoyance, but it seems to spike at certain times throughout the year. I know if I work on it I'll probably be able to see further. I plan on doing some work on it in the coming year.
While I'm on this subject I want to discuss the meanings of some words. The first one that people tend to use incorrectly is psychic. Psychic by itself doesn't mean much. So if someone calls someone psychic its sort of an umbrella term. It just means one who has ability beyond the five senses. Everyone has psychic ability. It's just that some are more in tune than others. That's why I previously stated that I am slightly clairvoyant not psychic. Along with clairvoyant, there is also clairaudience. This is the word for someone with "clear hearing". This is the ability to hear things psychically with the mind. This is kind of tied in with clairvoyance in that one can pick up on sounds that is otherwise not audible to the human ear.
Something I learned about a year ago is that one can learn through a kind of meditation a way to access vast amounts of information. I'll do a video on it later going into more detail because that would be too difficult to explain in writting.

Impressions

It's been a great couple of days. Samhain was great. I was glad that I was able to celebrate with friends. Everyday for a while now, its kind of been on my mind the whole "coming out of the broom closet". I know I mention this a lot, but its constantly being swirled around in my head. I mean I'll have days where I want to just walk out and announce it to the world and other times the cons outweigh the pros and I keep silent. I recently had a situation present itself that stirred this thought in my head once again. I went to talk to my chef instructor about my internship and we were discussing the interview and whatnot. He was talking about presenting myself in a clean way and made a few remarks that sort of took me a bit by surprise. For one, I was wearing my I love boobies rubber bracelet and he told me I should probably remove that and keep it off just in case they get the wrong impression. Well, let me tell you this, if there was any "wrong impression" it would be on my end. The bracelet is more than just a funny/dirty phrase, I wear it in support of breast cancer research. So to anyone who would think I'm some little pervert, they can shove it! Second, he mentioned my pentacle that I proudly wear out. He again said I should probably tuck it in behind my shirt. At this point, both sides of this argument were going on in my head. The one side was arguing my personal morals and reasoning behind the jewerly while the other was arguing political correctness and looking professional to a potential employer. You can only imagine the confusion in my head as I basically argue with myself. I mean both have valid points. One, the necklace is a symbol of my religious practice. If it was a cross or a star of david, no one would bother to question it, but thanks to popular misconceptions, my pentacle and religion are public enemy number one. Second, that would be a violation of my constitutional right to be able to practice my religion openly(in a sense). Third, it would also be religious discrimination if they chose not to hire me because of it. On the other side, he is also correct. Humans are judgmental beings. We constantly do it. Even though the employer has to be unbiased, its human nature, he or she will do it anyway and that will affect their final thoughts. Second, in an interview, you do want to be seen as unique, but some unique traits should not be disclosed. Third, this is basically about political correctness. Society has created this mold for what is acceptable and what is not. The food industry is about pleasing others not so much about expressing yourself. Alright enough about that for tonight...hopefully.

The begining...

After high school, I feel like life completely changed. I mean, things suddenly were going to be different from now on. For one thing, I was out of school, if I wanted to I could have just stayed at home and slept in for a few years. Obviously I didn't. I realized early that I need to learn to basically fend for my self. Other than my parents there really isn't anyone else to be bugging me to do something with my life. So I made a promise to myself that I would try and rely on my parents as little as possible. First, I knew I wanted to go to culinary school, but I didn't have the money just yet so getting a job was first priority. Also, this meant I could pay for things and make purchases. After about six months of hard work, I had put away a good lump of money in the bank. Since culinary school was a bit out of my reach at the moment, I enrolled at GCC just to get the ball rolling. I paid for it myself. I know it doesn't sound like a lot of money, but I had been doing a good deal of purchasing stuff and spending time with my sister who I had kind of ignored for awhile.
___________________________________________
Part 2
They say with age comes wisdom. I thinkthat all depends on what you do within that time period. I mean to say that knowledge and wisdom don't just come to you. You have to get out there and learn and experience. I spent a good portion of my life closed and not really experiencing much of life. After a few years, it got to the point where I became depressed. There would be days where I would literally feel sad and just want to cry. After that period in my life, I came across some things in my life that sort of reopened my eyes. I got to reading a few books some were cultural anthropologies and some were about religion. They really spoke to me and showed me a new path that I could follow and be happy. There were two big influences in my life; one was His Holiness the Dalai Lama(and no I'm not Buddhist) and the other was Wicca. Both of those two things taught me a lot about life and about being happy and making the world a better place.

Blesed be

Back again

Today is Sunday. My parents made it back Friday afternoon. I was the lucky individual to pick them up. The drive to LAX wasn't too bad. I made it there in like 40 minutes. The waiting killed me. I was sitting there from 12 'til 2:30 ish when they finally made it out of the plane.
I honestly couldn't wait for them to get back. One more day with my sister and grandma and I would have exploded. Granted I love them, but too much of one thing never good. The only thing that gave me peace was my practice. I finally had 3 weeks to not have to worry about leaving my altar out, lighting incense and depressing my mom, or candles being knocked over. It gave me a chance to be at one with the universe and really connect spiritually.
Now that they are back, I have to resort to having my mini altar set up. I recently purchased a medium sized book shaped box that I decided I would use to keep my mini altar. It's very simple and fairly inconspicuous. I have two glass bottles one filled with sea salt the other with Rosemary altar oil, a citrine stone to represent the god, a aquamarine stone to represent the goddess, 4 colored marbles to represent the elements, some tea light candles, a small red altar cloth with a pentacle on it, a small notebook and pen and a small box of matches. I definitely feel content with it. I mean all I really would need is a candle and some oil and leave the rest to my visualization, but this mini altar is perfect. It would certainly make it easier when I wish to go out and into nature. I carry carry my box instead of my backpack with my altar supplies in it. D

[Hovik]

Current Events

I love rain. I love listening to the sound of the rain drops hitting my window. I love the cool air that fills me up. The occasional burst of thunder excites my soul. Sitting at my desk with my altar set up and lit. Just taking it all in. My parents are due back on Thursday. My internship is waiting on an interview to get the ball rolling. That's all for current events. On to more...
I got some Samhain cards from the exchange I did with a few people. Looking forward to doing that again. Had a fairly simple dinner; just some elbow macaroni with garlic-parmesan alfredo sauce(unfortunately from a jar) and a panzanella salad on the side all topped with a glass of "wine"(alcohol-free). I don't feel like doing much the next couple days. I'm just waiting on the folks to come home and have life come back to normalcy. This time of year is meant for quiet contemplation. Just looking at the new year coming up and sorting out all that has happened so far. I'm ending this short because my altar is literally calling to me. I need to sit and take in the season.

The spirits

I hear the call. They provide me with comfort; a sense of peace and oneness with the universe. I see the light of the moon goddess as she fills the night sky with her glow. I can hear her comforting whispers in the air as it passes through the leaves.
"Eternal mother and moon goddess of the sky, I hear your call and feel your presence. Your glow fills me up and protects me from the dark." I honor you and thank you for your blessings.
The morning rays awaken my soul. The darkness has past and now there is light. The sun is joy and warmth shining in the clear blue sky. "Eternal father and lord of sun, I hear your call and feel your presence. You solar rays fills my soul and light my path into the world. I honor you and thank you for your blessings.
Seek the wisdom that which is hidden in nature. Speak the the god and goddess and they will answer your call.

[Hovik]