Some Hope.

So today was mabon. I was intent on doing a ritual outdoors. I gathered my supplies and headed for a park high in the mountains. The park was full of people because of a soccer game. I decided it was too noisy to get anything done so I headed further up. I got lucky and there was no one around. As I set up my altar, I kept hearing the rustling of trees from the animals. I have to admit I was a bit intimidated, but I pressed on. After getting everything setup, I began my ritual. I called the quarters, invoked the god and goddess and lit some incense. I sat on the cloth I had laid out and took in the crisp air. I was still in edge from fear of being caught. I tried to relax, but I could sense something was about to happen. Sure enough, about 20 minutes into ritual, some mischievous teens showed up. At this point I has stopped my ritual and was waiting to see how long they were planning on staying. Shortly after their arrival, a police car showed up and drove them out. Upon seeing and hearing all this, I began to panic. Sure enough, the cop called me out with his loudspeaker. I tried to gather everything and leave, but I took longer than I thought. With half my supplies in my hands I ran into the parking area and tried to tell the cop I was leaving. Of course, seeing someone in all black carrying some rather questionable items around brought up some questions. " What were you doing?" he asked. I couldnt exactly think of a lie so I just told him the truth. "I was doing a ritual" I told him. "A what?" he asked again. "Ritual". "I'm a wiccan". I told him. This brought up several more questions as well as some explaining. So I went ahead and explained to him that I was out here enjoying the full moon and celebrating the autumnal equinox with a small ritual. After I told him that he asked me some questions about who or what a Wiccan or witch was. Seeing as how he didn't seem to be afraid or doubtful, I told him a few things and he sort of put it together and connected the dots. "So its like a pagan religion?" "Yes. Exactly." I thought to my self, "whoa thats the first time I heard someone use that term correctly." So after that he apologized for disturbing my ritual and explained that he needed to close the gates so I needed to get going. After finishing up gathering my things, I bid the nice police officer a good night and headed off.

This whole incident really gave me hope. I had always been a bit hesitant to explain myself to people, but so far almost everytime its been successful. I really appriciated the fact that the cop was willing to let me explain and not over react. It felt good knowing that I was able to teach someone something new that he will probably carry for the rest of his life. Just as the apple is a popular fruit for mabon and autumn in general, symbolizing knowledge, I was able to pass along the fruit of knowledge to another person. I think everything that has happened to me has happened because I remember making a promise to myself that I was not going to hide who I was. I wanted to educate people and share a part of history. I'm going to enjoy the rest of mabon tonight knowing that the world is one more person changed. Its kinda funny I was actually thinking of hiring one of those planes that write messages in the sky and get someone to put Pagan Pride for all of glendale to see. That would deffinitely raise some hairs, but still very interesting....

Privacy is expensive.

So as most of you know from either reading my blog or youtube, you know that I'm still in the broom closet with my family. The only one who knows is my sister. This causes a lot of issues when I want to go a quick ritual for something or even just to relax. I can't say to my folks, "Hey, I need some privacy, do not disturb me." As soon as I do, I get bombarded with a million questions as to what I'm up to. I'm not a child anymore. I'm a grown man and I should be able to have my wishes honored. I don't think I can remember a time when I have been able to set up my altar just to relax and meditate or for a ritual or sabbat. Even when no one is home, I cant fully relax because I always have that feeling in the back of my head that any minute someone is gonna come home.
A lot of the time to get some privacy I just take my dog for a walk. I get to be outside and take in nature. Sometimes at night, I even have a little chat with the moon goddess as I walk the pooch. I have to get fairly creative to get some privacy. In the beginning, I used to just light a single candle and chant something in my head or whisper it as I sat on my bed. This would be a possible alternative now, but as I become more in tune with my spirituality, the more I feel justified to be able to worship and practice my craft openly. I tried to get some privacy at a park about 15 minutes from my house up in the mountains. Now that was definitely a good place, but unless it late in the evening, I have to deal with people hanging around and enjoying the park. You have to imagine the look on someones face when they see someone with a bunch of candles lit with a dagger pointing to the sky and chanting.
I mean as a last resort like a mentioned, I can just light a candle and do some silent chanting, but that can only be so much. Sometimes I feel like bursting out and just saying, "Fuck man! People of the Abrahamic faiths bloody have massive temples and churches erected for people to gather and worship! All I ask is for a couple of hours of privacy in my room!"
It's gonna take a lot to get my privacy. Like I said, privacy is expensive.

What it all meant

WItches when I was young...(not too long ago)

Granted, i am a bit younger than most of you guys so my experience wasn't too bad in terms of seeing a witch as something awful, or strange.When I was growing up a witch was a wise woman.
Its kinda funny actually now that I think of it. My whole family does to some degree believe in most witchcraft related ideas. For one thing most of the people do believe in some form of divination mainly tarot and scrying with a bowl of water and reading coffee cups.
I remember being a young kid and hearing stories about old ladies who lived within the community that were basically the wise women of the area. They knew a lot of different herbal remedies and did different kinds of divination for the people. They would always talk about how you could go to her with any problem or question you had, and she could help you find the answer. But its interesting, after they would tell us about them they always said at the end,
"oh you know, she was just some sick old woman with no family who just lived on the land and moved a lot."

Now, on the other side of the coin, if my family talked about actual "witches". It was very stereotypical. She was a crazy widow who killed her husband and drowned her kids. Oh and she was a servant of Satan. She also didn't have a warm heart it was almost always ice cold.
So with those two ideas, I saw magic and witch as two completely different things. Magic was okay in some places but a "witch" was always evil and bad.
I think the reason remains the same,people fear the unknown. They knew about magic but didn't see it as evil. Witch on the other hand was pure evil. I think that's why now I'm sort of hesitant about telling my family Im a witch. I mean they accept my practices because its something they are familiar with but dont make the connection with it to a witch/Wicca/paganism because they see that as evil.


As for my personal discovery of what a real witch was, that started about 7 years ago. I think it was sometime around when the harry potter movies had come out and everyone and their mother was obsessed. I was really drawn to it and started reading now childish books about becoming a wizard. I read about 2 books on the subject only one really touched anything close to Wicca. Anyways, after reading that second book and getting a minuscule taste of Wicca I felt that there definitely something more to this "wizardry" and witchcraft stuff than I was lead to believe. Mind you, this realization came after about 3 years after going off on the "wizards quest" as the book called it. So after doing some personal growing and reading I finally came across a book about witchcraft. Now this book was a bit more accurate but still lacking the spiritual aspect of Wicca. I want to mention that in the midst of all this my picture of what a witch was had changed dramatically. I began to see the witch I read about as the wise woman of my past. So a few more years past and I found Scott Cunningham book, Wicca a guide for the solitary practitioner. This book pretty much sealed the package. All the pieces acquired over the years finally made sense. It also filled the spirituality part of Wicca that was missing from the other books.

So here I am today. A witch. Bound to the path of the wise ones and loving every bit of it.

Dont ever forget it!

Obviously most of you know that I am a wiccan. Let me just say that before I get into what I actually want to say.
Alright, so most people who are ignorant believe that witches/wiccans believe in the devil. This as, any witch will tell you is false. I was recently listening to a podcast and they were discussing witchcraft. They were discussing the different beliefs and what not. After listening to it, I made a connection that I believe most wiccans would agree with. Christians worship the devil.
Now, let me explain myself before I get attacked. Firstly, wiccans and other pagans alike do not believe in or acknowledge a "devil" or ultimate evil. Now, let me define deity according to the dictionary.Any supernatural being worshiped as controlling some part of the world or some aspect of life or who is the personification of a force. So now, Christ or Jesus would be considered deity. Also so would the devil.This is true because Christian religion acknowledge both a ultimate good and ultimate evil. With that in mind. Anyone with a logical brain would connect the idea that Jesus or Christ is deity and so is the devil. Therefore, Christians and all those of like mind worship the devil in this respect. The devil perfectly fits into the definition of deity. So before you go attacking a wiccan or pagan as being a devil worshiper, remember this little tid bit.

A new chapter

I finally finished school. Well at least for this semester. I plan on taking the international class a few more times and I still need to do my internship. Things are slowly rolling into place. Dreams of Culinary Greatness are getting closer by the minute. This summer I plan on getting some food business going my finally starting up my personal chef service. I'll be doing almost anything food related for anyone who is interested. This will probably be set in motion as soon as my business cards come in and I get my pricing and menu ideas worked out. Hopefully this will bring in some much needed $$ as well as work experience. It basically comes down to the fact that I can talk the talk, I just need to walk the walk. Well actually, I can walk the walk I just need to start running. I've had a slight spiritual disconnect, but again all things will be set in motion in the summer when I have more free time.

The Broom Closet

There's always that time when as new witches as well as old ones have to make the decision to "come out of the broom closet" Most wiccans that I know for the most part have come out and seem to have positive reactions. I personally haven't come out completely. Only a handful of friends and family know. My sister was the first person I told. Shes a bit skeptical and sometimes calls me weird, but it doesn't really bother me much. As for friends, other than the people on Youtube, my close friend who recently moved was told. She accepts it. She didn't really ask any questions and sort of left it as it was. There are two people who found out at my work. My boss sort of figured it out when he first saw my pentacle and kept calling me a devil worshiper. I knew he was probably messing around, but it still bothered me a bit. So one day I was busy doing some work and he had come by my desk and was looking for something. My co-worker was standing next to me and my boss did what I expected and called me a devil worshiper again. I don't know what came over me but for some reason I felt compelled to tell him otherwise. So I said it. I told him I was a witch and he sort of looked at me and said, "Oh so your a Wiccan?" and walked away. That whole spat must have shocked my co-worker, who happened to be a christian. He hasn't said anything about it and I'm not exactly eager to bring it up again. I figure, if they have any questions, they are more than welcome to ask, but other than that I don't really bring it up.
I guess the reason I decided to bring this up is because I just had my mom walk in on me while I was trying to meditate. I had a simple altar set up. Some candles lit along with a pentacle on a piece of paper and drumming music playing in the background. I guess I had a phone call and I thought my sister was calling me so I ignored it. I guess the reason I frazzled me was because well obviously I haven't told my parents. I mean they both know I don't believe the christian god, but they don't know I'm a Wiccan. I know I want to tell at least my mom about it, but I just haven't found the right time to do so.

Half Blank

Today is Beltane. It's a really nice day here. I've been home all day. I'm kind of drawing a blank as to what I want to write. That's why this entry may seem scattered until I find something to go off on. I'm planning on getting a chest for my room. I have already decided what I'll use it for. I'm going to store my herbs,candles and other assorted jars and boxes. I'm also gonna be using it as my altar table. I'm currently using a fold up table that's good, but it's too high for me to have when I sit on the floor. Tomorrow we are having a small gathering at my grandparents house after a trip to the cemetery to honor my grandpa. It will be 40 days since his passing at which time it is tradition in Armenian culture to gather close family and friends and remember the deceased person. Anyways, since today is Beltane is figure I will do a small ritual and light some candles and do some meditating. Alright this drawing a blank thing is not getting better so I leave this here.