The Broom Closet

There's always that time when as new witches as well as old ones have to make the decision to "come out of the broom closet" Most wiccans that I know for the most part have come out and seem to have positive reactions. I personally haven't come out completely. Only a handful of friends and family know. My sister was the first person I told. Shes a bit skeptical and sometimes calls me weird, but it doesn't really bother me much. As for friends, other than the people on Youtube, my close friend who recently moved was told. She accepts it. She didn't really ask any questions and sort of left it as it was. There are two people who found out at my work. My boss sort of figured it out when he first saw my pentacle and kept calling me a devil worshiper. I knew he was probably messing around, but it still bothered me a bit. So one day I was busy doing some work and he had come by my desk and was looking for something. My co-worker was standing next to me and my boss did what I expected and called me a devil worshiper again. I don't know what came over me but for some reason I felt compelled to tell him otherwise. So I said it. I told him I was a witch and he sort of looked at me and said, "Oh so your a Wiccan?" and walked away. That whole spat must have shocked my co-worker, who happened to be a christian. He hasn't said anything about it and I'm not exactly eager to bring it up again. I figure, if they have any questions, they are more than welcome to ask, but other than that I don't really bring it up.
I guess the reason I decided to bring this up is because I just had my mom walk in on me while I was trying to meditate. I had a simple altar set up. Some candles lit along with a pentacle on a piece of paper and drumming music playing in the background. I guess I had a phone call and I thought my sister was calling me so I ignored it. I guess the reason I frazzled me was because well obviously I haven't told my parents. I mean they both know I don't believe the christian god, but they don't know I'm a Wiccan. I know I want to tell at least my mom about it, but I just haven't found the right time to do so.

Half Blank

Today is Beltane. It's a really nice day here. I've been home all day. I'm kind of drawing a blank as to what I want to write. That's why this entry may seem scattered until I find something to go off on. I'm planning on getting a chest for my room. I have already decided what I'll use it for. I'm going to store my herbs,candles and other assorted jars and boxes. I'm also gonna be using it as my altar table. I'm currently using a fold up table that's good, but it's too high for me to have when I sit on the floor. Tomorrow we are having a small gathering at my grandparents house after a trip to the cemetery to honor my grandpa. It will be 40 days since his passing at which time it is tradition in Armenian culture to gather close family and friends and remember the deceased person. Anyways, since today is Beltane is figure I will do a small ritual and light some candles and do some meditating. Alright this drawing a blank thing is not getting better so I leave this here.

Deaths only friend is life.

So I tired to make a video to put up, but after many failed attempts my battery died. I might as well get something done today so I'll write.
Death is a part of life. Its something that doesn't need to be feared. It does however, need to be understood. Remember, people fear what they do not understand. I may not have the answers to everything in life, but death is something I understand. I've had my fair share of deaths. The most recent one in march about 3 weeks ago. I cant remember if I mentioned before, but spring time is about the balance of life and death. The dead of winter rises again in the spring full of life. I'm glad to have found Wicca. It really helped me understand a lot about life. The way everything is presented really connects. Life is a cycle and just as the wheel turns so does everything in the universe. I have a necklace that has a 8 pointed star that has arrows at each point all enclosed in a circle. It is my constant reminder of the cycle of life.
For most people being surrounded by family and friends helps with coping with death. I usually prefer to be alone because I don't want people to take pity on me in my moment of sadness. For me, death is a time for quiet contemplation. Just as we practice in Samhain. I honor those who have passed, I remember the good times, and I try to learn from their experience to better myself. I'm going to leave this now. Think about death. Don't take it as a bad thing but rather a new beginning.

Elemental Me.

I'm on spring break this week. Doesnt mean too much seeing as how I still have to go to work. Luckily, I get come home early tomorrow. I dont have much planned but I may do a video. I havent done one since February. It rained last night and into this afternoon. I love rain. It's natures way of cleansing the world. I always so refreshed after a good storm.Water in general takes me to another world. I take a dive into water and I'm transported into another world. When I'm in water, the weightlessness makes me feel like I'm a part of it. When there are strong winds, I feel alive. It's like whatever I want to happen, all I have to do is whisper it to the wind and let it carry my wish into the universe. Fire warms my soul. It shows me hope. The raw energy in perfect balance with everything around it draws me to it. Earth is the eternal mother. It holds everything down. Provides a way to ground yourself. It teems with life. It absorbs residual energy and disperses it to be used later. It holds and it protects. Spirit is divine energy. It is sacred to all. Its both personal and unbiased. It is the mother, maiden, crone. It is the father, son, and sage. It carries the will of the all and the nothing.
Alright I'm going to go back to enjoying the silence and watch my candles flicker.

Sunday=Sad day

Sundays have become somewhat of a sad time. Now that my grandpa has moved on, we spend Sunday at my grandpas house. My dad is having a hard time accepting his death. Even my cousins and I have a bit of trouble. I remember coming here on Saturday to drop off my sister to sleepover. When I arrived the only people left in the house were my aunt and grandma. As I walked in and said hi to them, I for some reason expected my grandpa to walk in from the other room and say hi. But of course, reality kicked in and I remembered he's gone. I still makes me a little sad when people talk about him but for the most part I deal with it pretty well.
Beltane is coming up. I wanted to do a dedication ritual for me earlier just before Ostara, but I decided that Beltane was a better option. Either that or maybe I will wait until my year and a day in June to do it. All I know is that when the time comes, I'll know.
This turned out to be a really short entry. I'll have more in the coming week....

Food!

Let me first start of by saying that I love food. Its what makes me happy. Its interesting though I like making it and watching people enjoy than to eat it myself. I was watching Julie and Julia on TV today. I feel into one of my many food rushes. I started thinking up recipes in my head and thinking about trying out some old classics. A little side note for anyone who cares to know, I make a kick ass fried rice. Anyways, I'm almost finished with the culinary program and GCC. I'll be getting my beginning culinary arts certificate as soon as I complete the internship. I wanted the advanced certificate, but they removed it because of budget cuts. So Im planning on also getting the dietary services supervisor certificate. I still have a few classes to take for that. In the mean time I plan on finally starting my food career. I wanted to do catering, but theres a lot of logistical stuff that needs to get done for that to happen. Also, I'm don't exactly have the space for it. I may just do some catering for family and friends. Also, I'm going to have a talk with the culinary department chair and see if I can get him to let me use the kitchen at school to start a food show on youtube. That would be so much fun. Please excuse the fact that this is a little scattered. I'm just going as it comes to me. And right now it stopped so I think I'm done.

A reflection

So much has happened in such a short time. I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll just do the current stuff. For one thing, my grandpa died. Its been about three weeks since. He had a long and somewhat difficult struggle with cancer and it eventually won. Of all the things to get to him it was cancer. The man survived a stroke and a heart attack. He was dead for 1minute before doctors brought him back. It really is true that disease always attacks what you hold dear. He had the biggest heart. He was never much of a talker,but when he did, his words were gold. In a way, his moving on was a perfect representation of the turning of the wheel. He died at the end of winter just after the first day of spring. The day I found out, I went over after work. I wrote a short poem in his honor. I ended up reading to my entire family at the funeral. Just thinking about it now kind of makes me sad, but I do accept that he has moved on and he will be reborn into the cycle of life.

In this hour, in this place, he is freed from time and space. One last breath, a final thought, all this now at a halt. The cauldron of the crone glows again tonight to accept another soul. Rest now for you shall return again. To wake and feel a sun filled days and moonlit nights.
Always in our hearts and memories,
Oganes Gengozian
died march 22,2010