Secrets

Its been a while now since that's been on my mind. Usually it doesn't give much to thought, but when I stop and realize that at some point I'm going to have to share my self completely with another person. I mean I guess it's okay among others to hide some secrets that don't really matter, but when your talking about spending the rest of your life with someone. Secrets are bound to come out. Obviously some are more "big time" than others and I think my share of secrets fall in that category. One of my secrets was/still kind of is that I'm a Wiccan Witch. Now, I'm not dumb enough to go around and drop that bomb upon every potential relationship but, it always lingers in the back of my head that at some point someone lucky woman is gonna feel the explosion(and no, I'm not referring to a botched potion;that comes later...). Sometimes I just feel like I should just meet with other witches and see if I can't find a match. But at the same time I feel like it would hinder ones search for knowledge, not that I mean to say another witch would have no useful knowledge for me, but still. I think the other reason I don't is because I don't necessarily want my household to be strictly Wiccan. I want to children to explore and find their path on their own, but thats not to say I won't educate them about Wicca. I would hope that they would be interested in continuing the tradition and allow me to pass down my knowledge to them and so on. Boy I think I'm getting a bit a head of myself. I'm only 21 and I'm already stressing over my own family. I need to slow things down and just take things one step at a time and handle each situation as it arises.
On a side note, for those of you who don't know, I'm planning a little vacation to Hawaii next month. I found a great deal for a resort and the price is really great so I'm going to be taking sometime off and giving myself a break. I mean I've been working my ass off for four years straight and I deserve to take some personal vacation time. It also happens to fall around the Summer Solstice and my two year Wicca anniversary. I'm pumped for the trip and excited for the Summer solstice. Urgh I can hardly contain myself. Alright I'm done. I wanna eat.Such a fatass.....

Tears of the Goddess

Glowing atop the world are the tears of the Goddess. The reason for this is that she longs for her lover the Sun to return to her. At twilight they meet and rejoice in each other as the sky transforms into a rainbow of colors. But the happiness is short lived for both know that the Sun must journey to the other side and leave the goddess. As the moon rises in the sky, the Sun descends leaving only the stars to bring solace to the goddess.The world is covered in darkness and the air is cold as the Goddess mourns her loss. As the dawn approaches, she weeps silvery tears of mourning dew upon the earth. She must now descend to the other side as her lover returns. As the Sun rises, he sees the mourning dew left by the Goddess and extends his rays to dry her tears. He is glad, for the new day brings promise of the return of the Goddess at Twilight where they can once again be together...

Perspective

A lot of things in life are about making your way to the top of this so called "ladder" in life. I think in order to even start to think about climbing that ladder, one must have their feet firmly on the ground first. There is no way you can work your way up if you don't have a solid foundation. This idea always discussed or mentioned, but no one seems to explain what exactly that solid base is. I personally like to think of it as being fully aware of the your current situation understanding all that is around you and really seeing things beyond the physical. It's common knowledge that if you change you perspective on something, everything changes. Well, how can you understand something completely new if you're coming from a place where don't really have a firm grip on what was already there? I think there's a flaw in the way we are raised here in the US. From the second we are born, we are forced to see things through example. Our parents perspective on life and all things in it are pushed upon us and we suck it up like a sponge because we have no understanding to begin with. Then, when we reach that level in life where we are forced into the world, things seem chaotic and strange because we have no personal perspective on anything. I say we let our children run free and experience life for themselves. We need to learn to build our understanding of the world around us before we can rise above it and see things from a different view. This is turned into a bit of a rant now. It's kind of late and I should be sleeping but, I'd taken a evening "nap" so I'm a bit in limbo in terms of sleep and awake. I hope all this made sense otherwise I just killed 20 minutes with the rhythmic clacking of my keyboard. They should make a CD full of the sound of someone typing away on like a old school typewriter. I rather like the sound of busily typing away. I could totally sleep to that. Oh but there also has to be a crackling fire in the backround. You know, to even things out.

Passed down

Everyone has things within their family which have been passed down over the years. Wicca has been a part of me for a while now, but the magic has been with me since I could form my own thoughts. Earlier today I was looking at my tigers eye egg that my grandfather had given to me more than 15 years ago. It had been with me all this time and I always seemed to find it when I truly needed it. I never really realized it power until I truly took the time to look deep into and unlock the power within it. Ever since I realized it's power I have kept it close to me and called it's power when I needed it. The other key that unlocked my mind was a few years after when I was sitting at my other grandpas house. He was telling me a story about how he used to be a really great artist but because of his Parkinson's he could no longer do much. He however was able to draw something up on a piece of paper that he gave to me explained the significance. He had drawn a pentagram on a post it. I looked at it in awe and wondered what it meant. He said "this is a star. Its like the police; it will protect you." Ever since then, I had always seen the star as a protective symbol. When I found Wicca everything seemed to click into place. The star was the pentagram. The symbol of my new found path in life. The tigers eye was my power stone. It grants me courage and grounds me when I need it. Everything happens for a reason and looking back at my life I realize everything lead me to this point. This is better than self-discovery. This was an awakening.

Look a dial tone!

After thinking about what I had said yesterday, I took sometime earlier this evening to try and figure out the reason for my blockage. My mind was a bit muddled from the days activities so after some cleansing and meditation, took a deep breath and consulted the universe for answers. My runes have been my go to "telephone" for getting answers so I pulled them out and let the information flow out. I chose a fairly simple spread. Basically I mixed my runes up laid them out face down and felt the energies until I came across the one rune with my answer. I want to mention that as I laid out the runes the rune Sigel popped into my head. At first I thought to myself, "this can possibly be the answer. Sigel stands for victory." So I put the thought aside and continued scanning the runes. I narrowed my choices between 4 runes. Then from those four I selected my answer. Lo and behold, the rune I select is Sigel.When that happened. I consulted my rune book to see if maybe I had missed something in the meaning. After further inspection, I discovered that the meaning of victory or success basically meant that the current obstacle in my way will be overcome very easily. I guess I was overreacting a bit when I realized my disconnect. All in all the reading gave me the comfort of knowing that my block was not a big one. Merely my mind overreacting.
Then again, my overreaction wasn't totally uncalled for. I hold my spirituality very sacred. My religion is what drives me. The thought of losing it even for a short time scared the crap out of me. It would be like losing a chunk of myself. I need to not lose sight of the world around me and let petty things get in the way. Just like the rune said. I will be victorious. There's no need to "trip balls".
=-)

Please hang up and try your call again....

Its like someone pulled the plug. I've been hearing about people within the pagan community having a spiritual disconnect, but I just thought it was due to the season. Fall and Winter are times to stay in and contemplate the coming year. I must be on a whole other broomstick because mine seems to have happened during the spring time. When nature is starting to awaken and the flowers are blooming, I am stuck in my room feeling like I don't fit. Looking back I realized I was more active in the fall and winter months as opposed to the current time frame. I think its this bloody global warming shit. We had a scorching hot fall/winter and the spring so far has been full of rain and cold. It must be throwing me off my game. I think I need to spend sometime on nature. It really seemed to do me a world of good. Shit I even noticed that the weeks when I didn't head out to the park for my morning meditation, I would get physically sick and lethargic. I don't know, I guess I'm trying to sort this all out in my head while I tap away at my keyboard tonight.
Maybe this is all because I have no real plan anymore. In the winter my room was a mess and things needed to get done. Now that it's out of the way and the space has been cleansed by me I think the lack of chaos is making me feel sort of lost and unfocused. For crying out loud I even bought a new cabinet that I used to move all my supplies and such into so I could have it all in one place and also use it as a altar space. I figured that would help with connecting better with deity and nature but maybe its not working at the moment. I must be missing something. I need to tap into my brain and ask my higher self. My pendulum works great, but I need more of an overall outlook versus a current situation. I should do a rune casting and see what comes up....
On a brighter note, this June will mark my two year anniversary on my path in Wicca. I realized it a couple weeks back when I also noticed it was my two year anniversary on YouTube. Ah memories of my early days both in my practice and my vlog....
Alright back to the dark recesses of my mind to try and sort my self out...

Coming together.

Coming together.

Ever since I started reading the new series I got a hold of, I've started thinking about finding people of like minds to get together and possibly form a coven. In my early years I felt uncomfortable about the idea of a coven. But after reading this book and getting some perspective on the idea it seems right. Now I'm not talking about putting together a formal coven right off the bat. I mostly want to have a group of people that can come together and sort of put some ideas together. I don't think I'm in any way qualified to be any sort of high priest or anything but I definitely have a wealth of knowledge that I want to share. Also I want to expand my own knowledge.
This idea has been on my mind for quiet some time. I remember early in my practice I didn't even consider finding anyone of like mind to ask for guidance. I wanted to find myself on my own terms without outside influence beyond the god and goddess. Now that it's been a few years, I have this yearning for seeking out like minded individuals. I guess I kind of set the wheel in motion slightly when my friends showed interest in my craft. Looking back on it now I sort of regret it because I don't want to tear them away from their own path, but at the same time it felt really good to be able to share my knowledge with someone close to me. Back to the main point of all this. I want to get a group of witches together and possibly form a study group/coven. Maybe at this point since I've finally put the ideas out there the universe will help show me the correct path and possibly get the ball rolling.

[Hovik]